Sunday, June 12, 2011

A Love That Lasts

I've been questioning a lot of things lately, and within just the last 72 hours, I even began questioning my faith.  It's not God I questioned, but rather, what God wants of and from me and whether I'm cut out to do the work He's intending for me to do.  The last three days have found my emotions and inner thought life in catastrophic weather conditions; a psychological tornado if you will. I've experienced buried feelings and hidden emotions to the point of doubting whether or not I can fulfill the call He has placed on my life.  I've succumbed to the temptation of allowing my mind to leave Him and enter into places He simply is not. Though His Spirit always remains with me, my departure from Him left me alone.  Earlier this afternoon, I felt as though I was sinking.  I had to get out and find Him, corner Him into a conversation with me, and get some answers.  I finally did.

The pictures off to the right are where I went to get alone with Him.  It's a truly beautiful sight in any direction when the air is clear.  There's just something about the wide open space, relentlessly blue sky, and the majestic reminder in the form of mountains, that no matter what I might be facing, God is there - even in a 72 hour moment when I walked away from Him.  After I had been up there for a little more than an hour, my conversation with Him finally commenced.  "I can't be the woman You created me to be, Father.  I don't even pass most of Your tests when they come, so how can I possibly minister to anyone? I don't have it in me after all." "I know," is what He said in response.  But wait, there's more. I was right about being unable to be the woman He created me to be, failing multiple tests He puts before me, and not having it in me to minister to anyone.  I can't do any of it, but He can do it through me.  All I have to do is let go, and focus on a love that lasts - His.  
I've come to realize that one of the most challenging things we're asked to do in life is let go.  Think about it. Have you ever been asked to leave a job? I was laid off in 2009 from a job I loved, but a commute I hated.  I spent weeks almost begging to be let go because I was so miserable driving through rush hour traffic everyday.  Interestingly, when the time came, I cried because I didn't want to let go.   Have you ever been asked for a divorce?  Have you ever had to watch someone die? Maybe a loved one?  Have you ever loved two people at the same time?  I heard someone once say that the heart can't be fully given to one when part of it belongs to another.  If you're in this position, let go.  If you're grieving for the loss of a loved one, let go.  If you're hanging on to control over your own life, let go.  If you're going through a divorce, let go.  Whatever you're going through, let it go and focus on God's love - the only love that always lasts, always loves, and always forgives.  You can't do with your life what He has called you to do if you're hanging on to memories of your past, pain from your present, or dread over your future.  I don't want to live for what I need to let go of; I want to live for His love and what I need to take hold of.       

As I started my journey home, I turned my iPod to shuffle and the song that came on was Whitney Houston's Didn't We Almost Have it All?  (see link below for lyrics) Though it's a dreadfully sad song, at least from what I could tell, I had to smile nevertheless - first, because I even have that song on my iPod, but secondly because the overall theme resonated so strongly with what I was realizing.  I don't want to almost have it all.  I want to really have it all, and as God gently reminded me - the only way to have it all is through Him.  Everything else fades and withers away, but His is a love that lasts and never ends (Isaiah 40:7-8).  When you're struggling to move into God's will for your life, take inventory of what you're holding onto and let some things go.  Forgive yourself when you make mistakes, love the one you're with, and let go of everything else. If you walk away from God, be quick to walk back to Him.  Don't believe that you've made too big of a mistake for his forgiveness.  Does not His love cover a multitude of sins? (1 Peter 4:8).  His love is true and it lasts.  Hold on to that and let go of everything else. Hold on to Him.  

Let go of the past and move faithfully forward into the bright future that awaits you!    


  1. I really liked this one. I have recently experienced the pain of letting go of my old, familiar ways to embrace God and do my best to live accordingly. It is often difficult to realize that I am incapable of living this life without his guidance. Too often, I try to make decisions independent of His will and plan and, without fail, I wind-up lost and afraid. I can not do this without Him and I don't want to. Ever.