Tuesday, November 6, 2012

I'll Take Izzy

Not long ago, my husband and I had a disagreement on what course of action to take regarding a certain circumstance, and though I petitioned him with my best smile and pleading gaze, his answer to the dilemma was a firm no.  At one point I thought the welling tears in my eyes would change his mind, but to my surprise he stood strong.  I could see that it hurt him to see me hurt and if there was any doubt about that, he removed it when he brought me a sweet card by Emily Matthews.  Alongside her words, he wrote his own that said to see me smile he would give me anything, but for now he just couldn't say yes to what I wanted and hoped I could understand.  "I want us to have a good future" were among the words he wrote, but rather than wrapping myself in the comfort of his stable and tomorrow-based approach in decision making, I felt bitter that he couldn't join me in the excitement of just living for today.  "We may not even be here tomorrow or next week or next year, so why focus on then when we live here in this day?" I responded as a soft trickle of genuine tears fell down my cheeks.  Honestly, I don't know what left me more wounded - the fact that I didn't get what I wanted or that he actually followed through with telling me no.  Doting and giving to a fault, Sam rarely uses that two letter word and actually stands by it against my persistence, so when it became evident that no really meant no,  I became confused and hurt.  However, within just a few minutes of praying about it and reading the words in the card over and over again, God quickly helped me realize that not only was Sam right to tell me no, but he also was right in his approach of looking towards the future.   

Which one are you?  Do you make decisions based on what will bring you excitement and happiness today?  Or, are your decisions forward focused and rooted in what will make tomorrow better? What about today?  Though I still maintain that we shouldn't put too much weight on the tomorrows of life, I am blessed to have a husband who weighs more heavily on them than I ever will.  I tend to focus on the here and now because, well, it's where I live.  I don't live in tomorrow or next month, and thankfully I can never again live in any of my yesterdays.  Sam, on the other hand, lives in the present but thinks from the future.  Unless I completely catch him off guard, he will never make a decision based on what feels right today.  It's all about tomorrow.  I'm spontaneous and though I'm more cautious today than I've ever been before, he's more cautious.  I'm impulsive and he likes to think things through.  I packed us all up in the car one day out of the blue and blind folded him and our son so they wouldn't know I was taking them to watch the sunset from the beach. On the other hand, I had to ask him for help in recalling a time where he acted purely out of spontaneity. We both stared blankly into space for about five minutes and then shrugged our  shoulders and moved on. He wants to plan our freeway exit on which gas station has the best prices.  I just want to exit and we'll find that station once we do.  He's vanilla with hot fudge and I'm vanilla with sprinkles.  He wants to cover every angle and take things slow while I've already made the decision and am ready to go because God's got the angles covered.  I believe God will provide no matter what the circumstance or how badly I've messed up, and more than that He can surely make my wrongs right.  Sam wants to be good stewards of what we've been given so that God doesn't have to provide in the wake of my mistakes or rushed decisions.  "Let's get a new kitten today," I might say.  "We already have two and cat litter and food will be more expensive, so let's wait," Sam will reply. "Why would I wait? I could be hit by a bus in the morning, so I should get the kitten today and enjoy it while I'm here," I'll argue, and to which he will reply "You won't get hit by a bus, let's wait until we have more space and then you can have not just one, but two more kittens."  My sweet husband, even in his no, he still finds a way to tell me yes - if only I will just wait. 

So, which one are you?  Do you decide on having a good today or a good future?  Can today be good if you're focused on tomorrow? Are you spontaneous or cautious, and is there any way to meet in the middle?  The answer is yes.  That kitten conversation was real.  I wanted a new kitten recently and he told me that if I would wait I could have two more, but in waiting I could have neither for that day.  For a moment that particular evening, I decided to let that decision ruin my night, but somewhere in the mix of tears and frustration, God showed me the beauty in waiting, the sweetness of "no," and the blessing of approaches that are opposite my own.  As I read through the Emily Matthews card for the thirteenth or fourteenth time, I realized what a sweet no I had been given by a man whose most spontaneous decision in life was falling in love with me. And on top of that, I got my new pet that same day.  After quietly listening to our kitten debate and hearing the finality of my husband's "no, not right now" decision, my seven year old son brought me the most beautiful white kitten I've ever seen.  He drew it on paper and cut it out himself, and its name is "Izzy."  In the instant the paper cat transferred from his small hand to mine, I was moved not only to tears, but also to humble appreciation for the gift of "no." It was a good day. 

Though Sam has often said that I keep his life exciting, it is he who keeps mine sane.  Without him as my polar opposite companion, I would most assuredly have 30 cats, a live in therapist, and a bald head from pulling my hair out over the consequences of my own impulsiveness.  Spontaneity is good, but waiting is better, so if you didn't get what you want when you wanted it, keep waiting.  If your answer was no, look for the hidden yes because it's there, maybe in the form of an Izzy.  Priceless treasure can be found in waiting, so dig deep and keep your eyes open to what God wants to give you.  I didn't get the orange kitten I had picked out online that night, but I got something better.  I got a beautifully crafted white one named Izzy who now sleeps taped to the wall next to my side of the bed each night.   I'll take Izzy. 

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." - Psalm 27:14


No comments:

Post a Comment