Sunday, July 27, 2014

The Boundary of Me

Part of what I love so much about writing is the eraser.  Before I ever produce something for publication, I get at least a hundred do overs.  I need those.  You wouldn't think I would have to erase or backspace anything in the meager lines you now read, but backspace I have indeed.  I would love to say that writing comes easily to me, but the truth is it doesn't.  Like most things in my life, I have to work really hard to produce anything of substance and to be honest, I'm not always sure what I write is "of substance." I try though and I hope it is, if not for all, then at least for some. In either case, I thank God for the eraser and backspace button.  It's like they were made just for me and I love them. Especially today.  As I type now, I sit in a hotel room in Vienna marveling over my current place in time and space.  I find myself torn between a bleeding desire to return home and a painful and curious determination to remain.  What will come of it all, I don't yet know.  I simply pray for the wisdom to recognize God's leading as it comes. And it  does come. Every fiber of my being knows He is directing my path, and so often it seems to be facing the opposite direction of where my feet aim to walk.  Sometimes run.  Have you ever walked backwards on a treadmill?  It's an odd feeling until you get used to the movement, and for me, being in Vienna has been a backwards walk on a treadmill that moves only forward.  To ease the feeling of inconsistency and incompatibility, I reach to turn it off, but the switch is just out of my grasp and I must continue.  My feet are somehow clumsily moving forward but facing what's behind, and I sense that in a way I'm stuck between two worlds. I have one foot out and one foot in, but into what?  I wonder still, but it seems the boundary is of me...