"I Am Who I Am"

 You know that feeling you get when you're so overwhelmed you start crying but in the midst of it you're able to burst into laughter? I had such a moment earlier this afternoon when I set out to accomplish the tasks before me.  I'm in completely new territory with the ministry God has called me into, and as I rise to meet the challenges it often presents, it's not unusual for me to start feeling overwhelmed and burst into tears.  However, in the midst of my mini drama tear shedding scene this afternoon, God pointed out the utter absurdity of my whining and complaining.  It was as if He opened a door into the spirit realm of my life over the last 10 years and I saw how completely precious and God ordained it is that I'm here where I am given where I've been.  In an instant my newbie angst over the daily grind of ministry work was washed into a deep and hearty ocean of laughter mixed with fresh tear drops of joy and gratitude.  I playfully envisioned what it must be like for God to work with me on a daily basis (exasperated slaps to the forehead, eye rolling, shaking of the head from side to side, etc), especially during my more intensive growth seasons, and I imagine at times it gets hysterical.  He is so patient with me, and it's during times like now, when my faith and ministerial abilities are being stretched further than ever before, that I am literally brought to my face in praise and worship.  What an indescribably amazing God we serve, and it was during work today when I was tasked with finding an actual picture of "GOD"  that I really offered deep reflection to the mystery of our Lord and Savior.  "God, what are you?" I whispered softly as I tried to envision what I will actually see on that day when He and I stand Face to face.   As I scanned the pictures that Google offered after typing in "pictures of God" I sat in awe over this amazing God, Who, when asked to identify Himself by Moses, replied with "I Am Who I Am."(Exodus 3:14)

Year of the Bird

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So with the commencement of a new year, I have been feeling like I should somehow be writing something new and fresh and hip, but the more I pushed to come up with something, I became increasingly aware of the fact that I'm just not "hip" anymore.  It seems my once swag m.o. has given way to that of humble sensibility. God help us all, it seems I'm growing up. Grown up or not, however, I've tried more than once to start an entry since January 1, but until a few days ago when I decided that this was going to be my "year of the bird" I had nothing, nada, zip, zilch.  It all changed though when I recently went out on a walk with my son.  From the minute I opened the door to the time we returned home, I heard birds singing at unprecedented volumes. It was perhaps one of the most delightful walks I've ever taken.  The community mowers were just finishing up so the air contained the sweetest smell of freshly cut grass, and combined with the most natural music of various birds in the nearby trees, I could do nothing but smile as I walked with a newly found skip in my step. It was one of those moments when you can actually taste and see that God is good because I could actually taste the goodness of what I smelled and smell the beauty of what I saw. It was absolutely remarkable.

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." - Psalm 34:8

Year End Closing Thoughts

With 2012 rapidly approaching, I find myself torn between somewhat dreamy reflections over the year that is now ending and expectant contemplations regarding the year that is to come.  I've heard a number of people express immeasurable gratitude over the current year's end, but I'm not so sure I'm among the many ecstatic future goers.  I'm happy to be starting a new year and chapter in life, but I'm not in some zealous hurry to jump across the line into 2012.  I guess 2011 just hasn't been so bad that I'm in a mad dash to leave it all behind.  On the other hand, it has had moments that were so painful I didn't think I could cope unless God Himself would come down and scoop me up - in person.  I may even have asked Him once if I could light a bush on fire and pretend it was Him. My pain and inner pyromaniac aside, however, 2011 was actually a blessed year, one that contained more good than bad, greater love than pain, and increased hope and trust in God.  I'm okay that it's coming to a close, but I guess I'm thankful for what it brought, so these are my closing thoughts...

The Alternate Path

As 2011 comes to a close, I find myself reflecting back over my life, not only throughout this last year, but also throughout the last 13 years.  There's a significance to that number, but before I go into that I wonder how many of you are where you thought you would be at this juncture of your life?  If you turn behind you and look back into your past, did everything go according to how you planned to get you to where you are? Did you do all the things you thought you would leading up to this day?  Did you do things in such a way that finds you happy today with where you are? Who, from your past, has made it into your present? Now, if you turn and face forward, do you see a future that is built from where you stand today or from where you stood yesterday? Are you doing everything you can today to take you into a brighter tomorrow? Who, from your today, will be with you in your tomorrow? What does your future's path look like?  Is it surrounded by green meadows and clear streams? Or, is it covered in immovable boulders and barren trees? Do you even see your future at all? 

Dare to Hope

Not too long ago, I went through one of my most trying tests of faith yet, and as I reflect over the year that is now rapidly coming to a close I find myself humbled and grateful for the pain that was, is, and is to come. It's not that I enjoyed suffering or look forward to it's future arrival, but I have discovered that the pain I recently endured subsided, and through it, because of it, I'm closer to God than I ever was before.  In a nutshell this most recently trying test of faith arrived in the form of misplaced hopes and desires that gave birth to a tragic misconception of reality.  I allowed myself to become immersed in a heart vision that was never God's vision, at least not for today.  I put my hope into my own idea of what was and should be.  I was wrong - and when I found out, it hurt like what we imagine the pain of hell to feel.  Have you ever become so convinced and so certain that God was doing something in your life only to find out that you missed the mark?  Well, I missed the mark in a situation recently and it caused me agonizing pain, heavy doubts, and troubled thought patterns. Life turned very dark for a number of days, but He led me through it and now again, I dare to hope...