Life As You Know It

I met a man a couple of weeks ago by the name of Robert.  He was skilled in electrical work, plumbing, and even something he called "laser guided missile repair." Though I have no idea what the latter is, I found myself impressed just by the fancy and highly skilled sound of it. "What a smart guy!" I thought to myself as I tried to picture him in the line of duty.  When we met, it was cold and rainy and Robert sat bundled up on a bench outside of my local Albertson's grocery store.  I didn't see him as I walked out because he was off to my left and not even my peripheral vision picked up his presence.  Plus, I was in a hurry to get home so I could kick back with the family to have popcorn and watch movies. On cold, rainy days there's nothing I like better than snuggling up under the plush blanket that my mom gave me for Christmas three years ago.  The picture you see doesn't do it justice because this thing is velvety soft and oh so warm.  I like it so much that it took me two years before I would even allow my son (who is now almost 7) to touch or use it. It was just a generally accepted rule in our home that no one, under any circumstances, was to touch "mommy's blanket," and this rule extended to my husband, friends, family, and anyone else who happened to stop by. "Don't touch it now, don't touch it ever," was the unspoken message anytime it was sitting out. I could be in another room of the house and still know if someone ran their unworthy finger along it to cop a feel of it's satiny soft lining.  I love this blanket, but... today's entry isn't about my blanket, though you no doubt see now why I love it.  Back to Robert.  As I walked to my car, popcorn and seasonings in hand, and hood over head, I shivered under the falling rain. I couldn't wait to get back home, so as I turned on the car and began backing out I had only blanket, popcorn, and movie in mind. And then I saw him.

Change of Heart

I read a story recently about a young Christian girl who went out of her way to close the door on a love she shared with someone to whom God denied a union. It simply wasn't their time to be together and as far as she knew it may never be, so to consecrate her relationship with the Lord in this modern day love story, she installed dead bolts on every door that opened into this man's life.  From creating social networking blocks to the vow of closing email accounts, she covered every step and shut every door - except the one in her heart.  Love stories today take on an entirely different form from those of days passed. While lovers from 30 years ago wrote letters and sealed them with a kiss, those of today send emails and chat on Facebook. It just isn't as easy to shut doors today, and in this story's case particularly, no doors were ever really shut. For every social networking connection she had blocked, all she had to do was create another, and for every email account she vowed to close all she had to do was never close it.  Nothing was final, nothing was over, and nothing had changed.  Bolting doors and drawing the curtains wont cause the heart to stop beating for another person if love is pumping the blood. What she soon realized is that she didn't need closed doors; she needed a change of heart.

Here and Now

I recently found myself in a moment of despair when I was greeted by the humbling truth that no matter how far I progress in my walk with God, I will always be subject to temptation and battles of the flesh.  It's not that I expected to suddenly be free from it all at a certain location on my life's road map, yet I suppose I had subconsciously hoped that one day I would arrive to destination purity whereby I would be miraculously immune to the seductions of the world around me.  Seems I forgot the parts in the Bible when even Jesus was tempted, and I'm not sure who I thought I was to hope for freedom from spiritual warfare, but for a minute over the last couple of months I almost became too confident in my own strengths.  I was given a reminder recently that I'm of no strength at all, and today I'm intimately aware of my own shortcomings as a servant of the Lord. However, as disheartening as that truth has the power to be, instead I find the cognizance of my own tendencies toward temptation a beautiful commemoration of God's grace, mercy, and compassion. This morning during my staggering moment of realization, my knees hit the floor and I asked God to give me strength to choose Him, His ways, and His will, and as I heard the words that came from my mouth I realized the significance of what I asked - I specified my request to the exact moment I was in.  I was so overwhelmed with emotion and heartache that I didn't even have the strength to ask Him for anything beyond the here and now - which is exactly what He wanted.

Chasing Broken

"My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don’t show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, 'Here's a good seat for you,' but say to the poor man, 'You stand there' or 'Sit on the floor by my feet,' have you not discriminated among yourselves and becomes judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom He promised those who love Him?" James 2:1-4

 One day a few weeks ago I felt an overwhelming pull on my heart’s strings to seek out the homeless.  It was an ordinary day that began with my usual routine – quiet time with the Lord, coffee, breakfast, and dropping my son off at school.  As I was leaving the drop off zone at his elementary I suddenly pictured in my mind a homeless man that I’ve seen before at Target. Following this mental picture was an unexpected flood of emotion and desire to seek out as many broken and hurting people as possible.  I literally just felt an inexplicable inclination to start driving and look for them anywhere I could, and somehow I just knew God would lead the way.  As strong of a pull as this was, one would think that I immediately dropped everything else on my schedule and headed out in search of the homeless.  I tell you now that I didn’t.  Instead, I smiled at what a nice thought I was having and then turned the car towards home.  “I have too much to get done this morning,” I rationalized.  I wonder how many people I could have blessed that day had I driven the opposite direction and chased after the broken? 

One Breath

I started this entry weeks ago, but couldn't find the words until now.  I knew what I wanted to say but was too overcome with emotion to coherently write it. I sat in front of the computer with hands on the keyboard and tears so full in my eyes that the screen became a blur. My mind raced with how to say what I wanted to say, yet my page remained an antagonistic white glare. I've learned that it's often best to hold my tongue in conflicts or arguments until emotions have passed, and the same seems to ring true for messages delivered with the intent of inspiration. It's not that today finds me without emotion, but it does find me with a deeper trust in God's goodness and sovereignty as He refuses to answer my prayers in the way I would like. The emotions over what I'm about to share still run very deep, yet I somehow seem to have moved further away from the frequently catastrophic effects of them and closer into the arms of a comforting God and Father. The following is how God turned my grief into joy with just one breath.

Tuned In

Two weeks ago today, I was having an overly emotional day and I didn't feel like being around anyone, not even my own family.  I didn't want to talk on the phone, didn't want to have interaction with others, and surprisingly didn't want to go to my women's Bible Study.  Ordinarily, this event is one of the highlights of my week, the mid-week spiritual boost that I eagerly anticipate every Wednesday morning.  However, two Wednesday's ago, because of my fragile emotional state, I was leaning towards staying home.  My son, on the other hand, wanted to go and wouldn't take no for an answer.  "Please, mommy, can we go?" he asked with the most adorable brown eyes and pouty, lip-protruding frown. "Okay, we'll go" I reluctantly gave in.  Well, I usually drive the exact same way to our church, but earlier in the day before I contemplated not going, I had decided that if I went I would take a new route after stopping at the grocery store for snacks.  It would be quicker, so when Ashton convinced me to go, I opted for sticking to that plan and we headed out.  At Albertsons we got the snacks we needed and were headed to the check out when I remembered that I was almost out of cat litter.  As much as I didn't really need it yet, I opted to grab it while I was already there.  "Let's hurry, Ashton, so we're not late," I rushed.  We were on the opposite end of the store, so it would add just a few more minutes onto our already pressed drive time to church.  "I just need to get the cat litter" I reasoned, though at the time I wasn't sure why I didn't just get it later. When I'm running late, it's very uncharacteristic of me to take time for something that isn't absolutely necessary at the time, but that night I did.  So I walked to get it, and in the mere two minutes it took me to walk across the store and grab it, I was spared what looked to be a fatal wreck that occurred on the new church route I was about to take.

Pick Me, Pick Me!

When I first started this blog back in January of this year, I didn't really know the direction it would take.  In fact, it took me a minute of reflection to even recall what prompted its commencement.  I remember now though.  It was a note I posted on my Facebook wall, though the content of said note I don't entirely recall.  From that note and an inner nudging from God, however, a blog site was born.  More than anything I believe I just wanted the opportunity to talk. I knew I had a lot to say and that God wanted me to write, so I figured I would leave the subject details and formatting up to Him.  I've looked through some of my earlier posts and I'm amazed by how much the entries have changed.  I began writing with a cautionary memo to readers -"Beware, God will likely be at the heart of most, if not all, posts written," and I think in that warning I was trying to ease those who know me into an awareness of my growing love for God.  Have you seen how people react when you open your heart to God? See paragraph four for some of the reactions I got.  Now, on the other hand, the posts are clearly written in, for, and about Him. The cautionary memo seems to have faded away. So why the initial warning?  It's not that I've been a closet Christian, but in many ways, recent years have found me restrained and reserved around those who have known me for a long time, and truthfully, around absolutely everyone whether they've known me or not.  I think the formation of this blog was God's way of helping not only those who may happen to read it, but also me as I write in it.  What I've since found is that instead of saying "Aww, God, don't make me say it," I'm now eagerly thrusting my hand in the air and yelling "Pick me, pick me!"