Saturday, June 23, 2012

Exposed

Not too long ago I started working at a financial planning and investments company, and as an employee working in the wealth management industry, I was required to go through a somewhat extensive background search.  I was fingerprinted, credit checked, and intimately examined, at least from a "who are you, who have you been, and who will you become," perspective.  What followed was an interrogation, passed judgment, and a verdict of unacceptable by the brokerage firm through whom my boss does her clearing, and when I was asked to provide detailed information for each credit report ding, I felt embarrassed, rejected, and absolutely naked.  To make it worse, my new boss, whom I'd barely known 24 hours, was unable to conceal her utter shock and horror at what she saw through the doors of my past.  There was absolutely nothing in my personal life, neither past nor present, that was hidden from her and I was absolutely humiliated when the worst parts of my history resurfaced.  "God, what are You doing? What is it I'm meant to learn?  Why am I here!?" I asked through choked sobs after my boss not so tactfully informed me she'd never seen anything so bad.  For my first two days on the job I did little more than cry, clean my face, and then cry some more.  I went home feeling numb, confused, and completely exposed, but it was through that raw and painful exposure that I learned a new level of trusting God to work everything out for my good (Romans 8:28).