As I threw his lunch in the trash and stormed out of the room in anger, my eyes began to well with tears. I just wanted them both to leave so I could open the gates for the flood that was bursting at my ducts. In the time span of 24 hours I had been dealt an emotionally crushing blow in my personal life that left me far less together than what I wanted. This was not the time for wise cracks, jokes, and ungratefulness. Sam looked at me in surprise and with a confused half grin on his face as if to determine whether or not I was really angry, and, perhaps whether or not I really just threw the lunch I made for him in the trash. Though I wasn't completely sure why, I really was angry. "Ungrateful, unappreciative family," I thought resentfully to myself as I reflected over the last half hour of our morning together. I was up at 4:30 to spend time with God and what a glorious feeling I had when I closed my Bible. "God, no matter what happened to me yesterday, today is going to be a great day!" I affirmed with my Lord and Savior, but it was less than two hours into the day after that when I exploded in an angry torrent over an unappreciated ham sandwich and baggy of peanuts. What had my day come to now? It started with loud complaints from my seven year old over the scrambled egg breakfast I began to prepare. "Mama, I don't want eggs," Ashton declared in an intolerantly whiny voice. "Well, it's what I'm making, Ashton," I firmly replied, and at that moment Sam walked in with a request for oatmeal rather than eggs. Simultaneous to this was Ashton asking me to get his school clothes for the day, to which I responded by telling him I was busy with breakfast and "you'll have to get them yourself this morning." "But, mama..." the whining recommenced. Meanwhile, Sam stood leaning against the chair talking instead of helping as I grew frustrated over having to prepare two different breakfasts, two packed lunches, and a weather appropriate outfit for my son - all at the same time and against the moving clock. I simply couldn't listen to anymore complaining as my already fragile emotional state threatened to crack. I just wanted to hear something, anything, from one of them that would ease my building tension, but when it never came I grew angry, resentful, and mean - until I didn't.
Friday, February 10, 2012
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